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Does It Make A Difference?

IMG_0194I woke up this morning with the sense of being completely overwhelmed.  Maybe it’s the grey sky or the hit over the head feeling of Austin’s allergies, but I had the strange urge to write and put my thoughts out there to the universe and in this case you, whoever you may be.  Over the past week I have had the opportunity to discuss with several friends on different occasions: life, music, work, food, and the ever heavy, “What am I doing with my life?”  It seems to be the generation before us had aspirations of being the President, or a doctor, or a vet (you get the picture?) but I wouldn’t want to touch any of those things with a ten foot pole.  I think my friend, Frank, hit the nail right on the head when he said, “I just want to be happy.”

I just want to play music, I want to make art, cook up jams, but I the voice of reality chimes in, for whatever reason, it sounds remarkably like my parents, “Playing music won’t pay the bills.  Embroidered towels won’t put food on the table.  Jams and jellies won’t keep a roof over your head.” What if it could?” is my response. I quit my day job a year ago and picked up a restaurant job, in hopes to really focus my energy on pursuing what I love. I leave my job practically in tears on a daily basis and seem to be no further in my artistic pursuits.

In a town where musicians are a dime a dozen, sometimes less due to the inflation of SXSW, Pinterest and Etsy make it seem like the next girl is ten times more crafty than me, Facebook and social media makes it impossible to get an original thought through to just one friend out of 1,500.  So my questions is… is it worth it?  Does it make a difference?  Or should I just cave to my parents ever nagging… you need to get a real job, which translates to give up on your dream.  There is definitely a lot of internal conflict going on.  How have my parents told me my whole life to never, ever give up and then turn around and tell me to “give up” and be realistic?

I apologize for the less than uplifting post, maybe I should’ve waited until after my first cup of coffee to start writing, but this is something I have been mulling over in my mind for a little while now.  I had to write about it and get it out there, we’ll just have to see if it makes a difference.

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